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Q&A @ Hate Anger & Rage

On this page anger = hatred = rage = hate
For millions of folks, even the words "anger" and "rage" make them a bit uncomfortable. To express such strong emotions may seem unbelievable. "Me, hate? Hatred? NO! Rage? Never!" Resolving feelings of violence, not managing them, is the real therapy solution (no matter whether the therapy is paid-for or self-help). In my opinion, such discomfort with these powerful feelings is not necessary and may prove distinctly harmful (see below words about the shark).


Q: What about all the anger and hatred we see everywhere today?
.....A: Hate (the intensest form of rage) is one of our most difficult emotions. In the past decade or so, it has become OK with many to rage at those who do not agree with us. Spewing vitriolic anger and hatred often temporarily makes one feel calmer and less stressed. But that violent process of releasing anger is really much the same as using food, a drug or a drink as a temporary calming device. It works but not for long. There is a conflict in the therapeutic community's beliefs on the value of hatred- should hatred be avoided entirely or should some or all of it be elicited? This author believes it is important to feel the inner child feelings of anger and hate so that they may be moved through and beyond, but that such feelings at targets of today are not ultimately productive.

Q: Are you implying with the above response that the anger and hatred I have for other people such as ____ is wrong?
.....A: No, your emotions are always valid as your experience this time. Anger and hate, if you feel them for other(s), are there and OK. In my opinion, it is not helpful to call your current hate or hatred "bad". You do have choices about your actions when you do feel rage or hate: Choice#1- whether to express it to the hated one(s) and Choice#2- whether you choose to work to change yourself (via self-help psychology methods or via formal psychotherapy) so that you no longer hate those others.

Choice #1. Usually, direct expression at those hated is totally ineffective in changing them, for people naturally defend themselves when such hatred and rage is tossed their way. However, expression of your rage and anger SOMEWHERE (in a journal, in fantasy, in therapy, screeching into a pillow) often helps one to move beyond that rage and anger.

Choice #2. You can decide you wish to not feel feelings of hate or rage under identical circumstances in the future. This may not be easy to accomplish. It may take you months or years. But having the wish/goal/intent to make such a change is important in propelling you along your best path so it does get accomplished.

In my self-help psychology book, Be Your Own Therapist, I stated that emotionally healthy adults "are comfortable with anger and hatred, their own and others." Are you comfortable with hate and rage? If not, then you probably avoid them, giving yourself "good reasons" for doing so. Unfortunately, this avoidance has consequences:

"If you avoid any specific feeling long enough, it will come to dominate you. You will be fearful and live your life as if some shark below were poised to attack. Feel the feeling and that shark disappears." (from Be Your Own Therapist)

This site's hate, rage and hatred pages:
Free & Complete Anger Excerpt from Online Book
Ragetips and Hatetips
Q&A @ Anger & Hate
Anger Management = Stress

ABC's Personal Growth; Love & Personality Tests