People do avoid the first three H's of this mythical Therapy 4-H club: Hatred, Hurt and Hopelessness. These are, nevertheless, core feelings within our trauma knots. Feel them (and the fourth H, healing) and the trauma knot will generally be no more. Resist them and the trauma knot will often stay forever. There have been few therapies that attempted to face these feelings directly, Primal Therapy being the most notable example. (Note: real 4-H clubs do superb work with youth and farming/ animals - their four H's are Hands, Head, Heart and Health.)
Most therapies have attempted to help clients more gently with little or no emphasis on hatred, hurt and hopelessness. The difficulty with total avoidance of these painful feelings is that client issues all too frequently never get resolved. They just are managed. For therapists who avoid these H's, cure often becomes a dirty four-letter word because such therapist avoidance makes resolution of client issues problematical. The societal benefits would be great if we were all able to face and feel our own H's. But this likely will never happen, for people just will not sign up for the first three H's.
On the other hand, they will sign up for the fourth, healing. Inner child therapy (i.e., healing the unexpressed words and unfelt feelings of childhood) focuses on Healing, healing the wounded traumatized inner child. In attempting to heal the inner child, the H's of hurt and hopelessness are often faced and felt appropriately. However, it seems to me that the H of Hatred is regularly omitted and overlooked by some of those using inner-child methods with the result that many traumas often do not get resolved.
This remainder of this chapter will focus upon the four H's - how to recognize them, how to face them, how to feel them and how to get beyond them. While it is theoretically possible for you, the reader, to do this on your own, success is unlikely without some outside help.
"If you avoid any specific feeling long enough, it will come to dominate you. You will be fearful and live your life as if some shark below were poised to attack. Feel the feeling and that shark disappears." Be Your Own Therapist, (White, 1995, p. 108)
© 2008 by Thayer White
Finding Your Soul in the Spirituality Maze
|Excerpt from Be Your Own Therapist: "If the parent doesn't like a natural part of human existence (like sex, anger, tears, love or vulnerability), then the child will often attempt to please that parent by squelching those qualities. As a result the child starts displaying many symptoms."|