An important truth is that the body reacts virtually the same way to an imagined experience as it does to a real experience. This phenomenon has been used recently by many therapists to provide some corrective childhood experiences for the 97% of us who suffered traumas back then. If I didn't get enough holding from Dad, then I can imagine that I am 3 or 11 pretending all sorts of experiences where Dad of yesteryear holds me lovingly. By such a process I can provide myself significant healing of my old needing-Dad's-love trauma. If it is too difficult to imagine your particular parents being so different, then you can create two new imaginary parents for yourself. (I think it less productive if you imagine yourself as an adult holding the child-you. If the exercise is done in this manner, many don't feel the full force of the available healing. Because it is a useful first step for some, however, try it if you cannot imagine yourself being the small child getting the healing.)
The ultimate in self-responsibility is: Wherever I am unhappy, there is where I need to change myself. Most of us blame others.
Such healing work has been made well known by John Bradshaw. The below list of healing statements is suggested. The first five are from Homecoming (Bradshaw 1992, p. 93). The remainder comes from this author. It will probably be most effective if you say these 10 statements aloud into your tape recorder. Then listen to them with closed eyes and imagine yourself as a baby/toddler being held by and told these words by a loving parent:
Welcome to the world, I've been waiting for you.
I will not leave you, no matter what.
I like feeding you, bathing you, changing you and spending time with you.
I'm so glad you're a boy (or a girl).
God smiled when you were born.
I want you to enjoy your entire body, your lips, your mouth, your stomach, your fingers, your genitals and your toes -your entire body.
I'll come whenever you need me.
It's OK to be angry or sad.
I love you just the way you are.
I love holding you, cuddling you and stroking you. I love you, my little one.
If this type of healing seems right for you, then there are many more healing ways described in Homecoming. The more you practice being the child who gets the love rather than being the adult who gives it to the child-you, the more effective such work will likely be.
Emotions Tips: Feel all emotions.Feel emotions completely and appropriately, and they will change.
© 2008 by Thayer White
Finding Your Soul in the Spirituality Maze
|Excerpt from Be Your Own Therapist: "As an example, consider a person with many similar experiences such as severe and mild abandonments over the course of a lifetime. Trauma knots associated with abandonment will probably be very resistant to loosening for this person. Untying those abandonment knots may seem impossible."|