Such is the trap into which many of us fall, blaming others for our hurt feelings and making demands upon them for change (which is very similar to the preceding, "You make me unhappy" trap). This hurt-feelings trap has ensnared many from historically disadvantaged groups. As described earlier, believing in it only leads to giving away of personal power, a continued lack of self-esteem and more power in the hands of those who so "hurt your feelings." To choose not to make your happiness dependent upon others leads to real empowerment. And it is possible! But the possibility must first be recognized, secondly accepted as something desirable and thirdly actively pursued. The goal is to change from being hurt to being OK with whatever situation causes my hurts so that I am not hurt the next time that situation occurs. Do you want to be so empowered?
"All the troubles that arise have the potential to be experiences of learning and growth from which we may emerge stronger and richer, but we do not always remember this at the time." The Feeling Buddha, (Brazier, 1995, p. 69)
© 2008 by Thayer White
Finding Your Soul in the Spirituality Maze
|Excerpt from Be Your Own Therapist: "Once we are traumatized, we carry the unresolved trauma with us forever, unless we can somehow get the trauma knot untied by therapy or another personal growth method."|