The Eskimos have perhaps 60 words in their language for the word "snow." They would no doubt feel very cramped with just our one word, for it would fail to adequately describe the various manifestations of snow so important to them. Our language similarly tries to cram many meanings into the word "love."
Love (Infatuation). This is the stuff of "falling in love," or living in a rosy glow. My beloved has no faults and is perfect in almost every respect. We shall live happily ever after. This is typically denial, overlooking many things all too obvious to most of those around me. This type of love does not last, though many wish it would. Many keep pursuing this type of love for years without realizing that it must fail because it is not reality.
Love (That Lasts). This is the stuff of actively caring for another and accepting the other as they are. This type of love is a decision. One decides to accept the other totally, without reservation and with eyes open. The other's faults are both seen and accepted. The true practitioner of this type of love can honestly give their loved ones the message, "Love means never having to say you're sorry." For whatever so-called harm was done, the loved one is accepted and known to be OK no matter what. Many of us achieve this type of love only with pets or small children. Active involvement, while not essential to feeling love, is essential to an ongoing relationship; and its absence will typically be felt as a lack of love. In this culture many of us experienced the physically and/or emotionally absent father, who may have felt love for us, but from whom we often did not receive the feeling of love.
© 2008 by Thayer White
Finding Your Soul in the Spirituality Maze
|Excerpt from Be Your Own Therapist: "Post Traumatic Stress = instant simplified diagnosis of the 97% of us who grew up in dysfunctional families (see Chapter 16 for more about our dysfunctional families). Almost all of us suffer still from unhealed traumas suffered at the hands of both parents and society during our first 18 years."|